Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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