accomplished twins. life is a go
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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