shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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