Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
im holly from the hills drunk
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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