hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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