my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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