i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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