I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
