All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
