Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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