M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
