She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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