We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
