nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
