if only i could text you this smell
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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