I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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