her vagine was all disorganized.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
