It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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