My room smells like vodka and shame
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
thus making me awesome and them whores
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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