You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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