I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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