I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
