Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He better not be in your backpack
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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