She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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