it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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