Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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