even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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