You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
