Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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