Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
