I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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