Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
