The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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