I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
