its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
