oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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