what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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