you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
