Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
