i think my tv is drunk
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Four minutes until I can fart!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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