even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
