You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
