Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
