Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
