Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
