Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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