i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
