Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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