This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
