he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
