i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
