Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
