Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
