He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
