I feel like abortions should bother me more
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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