We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
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just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
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She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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