you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
