More tranny stories later!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
