i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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