I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Houston, we have a blender
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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