Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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