I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
