Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
