My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
