i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
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I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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