Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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