So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
