We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The Olympian is in my bed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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