omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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