Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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