hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
