So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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