If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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