i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
