She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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