so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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